Today’s weight: 267 lbs.

I’ve been neglecting this site for too long, but the last five months of my life have been a nightmare. It’s time to buckle down and really get on task to creating the life I want and dream about.

I knew that Saturn coming into my sign this year was going to cause issues, I just wasn’t prepared for everything to come to a head all at once. Here’s what has been going on, in no particular order.

I already wrote about the changes in the schedule at my workplace. I was also told the only way I could get back on a day shift was to take a new position. I had reservations about whether I really wanted to do that particular job, but I wanted off the night shift so bad that I agreed. Big mistake. I absolutely loathe my job now. I wanted some actual training for the equipment I have to work on and I won’t get it. Plus, my supervisor is a lying asshole. I no longer trust him and I hate his guts. I wanted my old job back, but was told to either do the job I was in now or I had to resign. Yeah, like I can afford to be unemployed right before Christmas again. I had to basically grovel to keep this stupid job. I was also told by this same stupid supervisor that I need to lower my standards because I expect too much out of people. Um, OK. I don’t expect perfection, I was just tired of the same stupid people doing stuff wrong over and over.

I went to that small business class. My credit is so damaged I can’t get any loans to start my own business. Yeah, this is my fault and I need to deal with it. It’s going to take several years to repair things to the point where I can actually get some financing. For now, the dream of owning my own business is on hold. I’m still going to look into some other ways I can make money from home. I have some thoughts about what I can do. We’ll have to see if I bring them to fruition.

I went into the hospital for a week in July to have my gall bladder removed. I woke up Sunday, July 16th and started puking. It wouldn’t stop all day and the next morning I was told to go to Urgent Care. They told me I needed to get to the ER right away. The good news is I finally started watching what I’m eating and a lot of high fat foods just won’t agree with me anymore, so I’m starting to lose weight. About 40 pounds so far from my highest weight ever. Having the WiiFit has certainly helped, too. Even my crappy job has me moving all day, so that has helped, too. That’s about the only good thing I can say about my new position.

Our living situation needs to change. I can’t stand living in this crappy mobile home park and paying outrageous lot rent anymore. I bet there is only a handful of lots in this place where legal U.S. citizens live. The cat and raccoon problem is out of control. The other day, I saw a mouse head into my bedroom. I only have 3 birds left as pets and I miss having fuzzy creatures, especially dogs, around. I promised Marcus I wouldn’t bring home any more pets until we move, though. I can’t sit outsize to read or craft. There are screaming Mexican children everywhere and tons of bugs. We don’t have a porch or pleasant scenery to look at. Just other ugly mobile homes and weeds. I miss gardening. I miss cooking and baking. I miss decorating my house for different holidays. I miss having pizza delivered, but Marcus doesn’t want delivery people to see what we have in our house so that we get robbed.

I went a little nuts during my last depression phase buying yarn. I always buy stuff I don’t need when my life is in utter chaos. My craft room is totally unorganized and out of control again. In fact, so is the whole house. Marcus tends to buy stuff when he’s down, too.

So far, the only good thing in my life is Marcus. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me. We certainly deserve a better situation that we are currently stuck in.

I want to get our home on to land. I want to grow my own food. I want to have a herd of alpacas so I can make my own yarn. I want chickens. I want to learn to spin and dye yarn. I hate it when I have a color in mind and I can’t find it anywhere. I want to be responsible for what I do everyday, not being told what to do by lying, stupid supervisors. I want a couple of Alaskan Malamutes that I can train to pull a sled. I want to travel without having to get time off from a job. I need to figure out how to make this happen.

Just as I was finally getting what I wanted at work and things in life were starting to fall into place…WHAM!

Instead of my lovely 3-11 shift, I am now working 6pm to 6am 3 days a week (either Sun-Tues or Thurs-Sat) and a six hour shift (either 6pm-Midnight or Midnight-6am) on Wednesdays. I’ve been lied to my management. Our stupid schedule flip flops every 4 months, so first I worked the beginning of the week and we flipped the first week of June and am now working the last part of the week. I’m tired, I’m depressed, I’m moody. My work ethic disappeared and I absolutely hate going to work everyday.

People tell me it must be great to only work 3-1/2 days a week. Yeah, on paper it’s freaking wonderful. In real life, not so much. 12 hours in front of a computer has aggravated my old whiplash injury. I make lots of mistakes, I can’t sleep due to crappy neighbors, I cry A LOT. I never see my boyfriend anymore. My knitting is suffering. It’s just not cool.

Well, I knew Saturn was going to make me deal with stuff I’ve been putting off. See, I’ve always wanted my own business. I absolutely loathe working for other people, especially when I view those in power above me as utter nincompoops. Due to not being able to find other work in this field, I decided that after all of this schedule nonsense and especially some utterly ridiculous events that occurred last Friday, I am resolute to finally just do it. The local organization that helps people start small businesses offers classes that I’m going to begin taking in July.

I’m not going to disclose what I want to do just yet. We’ll see if I can get anybody to fund it first. It’s time to take the plunge and stop letting other people without my best interests in mind dictate my life.